In Relationship With A Problem Gambler!
My husband is a gambler! yes thats right! I have thought a lot about whether I should write this post or not. I have decided to write.
What you will read below is my OWN experience. I tried to hide my husbands gambling addiction for over 4 years, but there is no other side to run to..
I love my husband and I am not in any way trying to show you guys that he is a bad person. He has a gambling addiction and needs serious help. The only reason I am writing this post is to reach out to you who are reading this and show you that you are not alone.
I dont even know where to start this post from, which story to tell you. All I know is that I am so full of the his lies, debts, money problems.. When we met I had no idea about this. We have two children and I would never imagine that he would do anything like this to me. I will just tell you that every single day he was telling me new lies, new reasons where he spent money and the lies never ended. I have followed him everywhere, checked his messages, phone calls and it all blasted when I told him that I knew everything he was doing.
He does everything gambling, he goes to betting shops, bets on the football games, plays poker online, basically spends ALL his (AND MY) money on things like this. One of the most shocking things that happen was that I got my salary one day and next morning when I woke up, my account was on 0. The money had been transferred to his account and I had no access to it. I made him open up his banking and saw the most shocking news that he had spent overnight.
After every single fight he would swear to me that he would stop, but he never stopped. Once he even ran away from home with money, but when he had spent it all, he came back. You are probably thinking, what are you still doing with this man? you are right and I have no answer to that.
I was just getting angry and angry and angry.. I had no thoughts, I just thought that with fights and ultimatums I would make him stop. Well, this has not worked and I believe this does not work in most of the cases. I tried to pick up myself as if I would worry so much and something would happen to me, my kids would be without me and with him and his money problems. He works gets so much money and does not take care of his family at all. With clear mind and some research, I closed his bank accounts I made him repay his debts (of course with my nerves and fights). On the other side he started borrowing from some other people. There is not even a single person around us, who knows us that he has not borrowed the money from.
After so many fights I have found out that the best thing is to do never give a gambler an ultimatum i.e. “Stop gambling or I am going to leave you!” It will never work out, and in the process your heart will be torn to shreds. Never believe a gamblers commitment to stop gambling, because he will never do it! That doesn’t mean to say they cannot stop gambling, but change requires effort and as creatures of habit people often become accustomed to ritualistic behaviour, which compounds the problem of an addiction. Many a time I have said, “Right, that’s it! I am never going to gamble again!”, only to gamble again, months, weeks but often days later, even sometimes the very next day.
To cut the long story short, I decided to get professional help. It took me well over 4 years to realise that this was a problem and needed a doctor. He needs a medication to treat him, to relax his mind and to make sure that he never gambles again. I know the only way to stop him is if only HE stops himself.
We live in the UK, so I reached out to NHS and our GP has referred us to the specialist. I am still hoping that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel as he agreed to see the specialist. We have never seen anyone before and in a few days after writing this post we will be seeing the doctor. This is my ONLY and LAST hope. I have no idea how my life will be, I have no idea how else to cope. I just know that I have lost all my strengths, powers to fight against him and his illness. You can find some information about them here.
I will be posting after each of our doctors appointment to see what happens, if we get any medication, etc.. This way we can see together if the professionals help and how long will it take.
If you are still reading this, you have probably experienced the same situation. Please comment or email me with your experiences, hopefully we can help each other.
Update after one year: Unfortunately nothing helped our situation, since last year only we have been through a lot of money issues and things just got worse and worse day by day. So our relationship ended…..