3 Ways You Might Negatively Be Affecting Your Husband’s Self-Esteem
Could you be negatively affecting your husband’s self-esteem? You might be, even if you are doing it unconsciously. And while he might not verbalise the way he is feeling – men often use bravado to cover up their low moods and lack of confidence – he might still be wounded inside.
So, ask yourself the following questions. If you are guilty of any of them, for the sake of your husband and your relationship, consider changing tack to build rather than knock down his self-esteem.
#1: Do you negatively comment on his appearance?
You might say something as a joke, perhaps with a comment on his thinning hair or on his (in your opinion) poor choice of fashion. Or you might say something in a more critical tone, perhaps telling him he ‘looks stupid’ in that outfit, or that he is an embarrassment to be seen with in public.
Now, there is nothing wrong with helping your husband look his best. You might refer him to one of several treatments to deal with his hair loss, or you might suggest better matching clothes. But you need to be careful. Especially when it comes to signs of ageing such as hair loss, your husband might be sensitive about his appearance. And he might want to dress a certain way, despite your negative opinions. Be tactful then, go easy on the jokes, gently suggest other options, and then accept the way your man looks instead of trying to take control of his fashion choices.
#2: Do you roll your eyes when he does something wrong?
Sometimes, it’s not what you say that can hurt your husband, but it’s the way your face and body reacts. So, when you roll your eyes, cross your arms, and witheringly shake your head when he does something wrong, your husband might pick up on these things and feel hurt inside as a consequence.
Here’s the thing about your husband; he’s not perfect. There will be times when he burns the dinner, puts the duvet cover on the wrong way round, and makes an error of judgment in DIY. These things might frustrate you but go easy on the eye rolling. Men drive us nuts when they criticise us, and the reverse is true when you let your husband know he has made a mistake. You need to be patient. Gently show him the error of his ways, perhaps by giving him a tutorial on that duvet cover, or take on (or share) the tasks that he struggles with. Most men hate appearing weak in front of others, so while he might need to accept that he can’t do everything, you should also do the same.
#3: Do you show little interest in your husband’s hobbies?
Okay, so your man might have hobbies that don’t particularly take your fancy, but you don’t have to ignore him when he talks to you about them. You might also be prone to that eye rolling thing again when he regales you with stories about what he has been up to, showing signs that you are fed up with listening about his favourite pastime. You might even deter him from his hobbies, perhaps by telling him that his hobby is childish or boring.
A relationship is built on having an understanding of each other. So, while you might not like everything he does, you should still take an interest in his hobbies to show that you care about his as a person. Listen to him when he talks about them, congratulate him when he does something well, and ask him questions about the hobby he is involved in. Because let’s be honest, you would expect the same of him when you discuss your particular hobbies, so take greater care with your attitude.
We have only offered up a few examples, but there might be other ways you hurt your partner’s self-esteem. Take care then, because not only will you hurt him, but you might also hurt the long-term survivability of your relationship. Have an open conversation about feelings, and if he lets you know that you have done something to bring him down, make every effort to treat him in a fairer way. You would expect the same of him, after all.